Maybe I should defer uni for a year.

This year has not been going as well as I had hoped. At least I haven't been as ill as I got last year but nonetheless my subjects are still not going too well. I have just returned from sitting my first exam. I think I may have failed this subject. Again. My next exam is on Thursday and is worth 100%. I feel more confident about it than I did a week ago, but I still have a lot to learn.

Anyway if I manage to totally screw this year up I was thinking of deferring for a year and working. This would also have the benefit of allowing me to get youth allowance, which currently I don't qualify for. Also it will give me time to get myself straightened out. I need to prioritise what I actually want from life. Up until now I have just been cruising along with no clear picture of where I am headed. Several things have contributed towards this but the main factor is that I feel rather bad about my parents spending so much money to send me to uni and then I go and fail.

I don't know what my parents are going to think about this but realistically if I fail one more subject I have to seriously re-evaluate my life. I'm guessing that my mother will understand but my father will be somewhat harder to convince. Even if I do manage to convince him, he'll expect me to return to my hometown to work, which I really don't want to do. Work is very hard to get due to the massive unemployment and apart from that I would have to live at home with my family which would drive me nuts after being away for so long. I like my independence too much, and being at home means that I am living in an autocratic dictatorship run by my father. *sigh*

Here's to hoping that I pass my exams.